This morning many calls coming in from Assisted Living facilities -- that lady at "A Place for Mom" is really reaching out for us :-) THANK YOU!! Each facility sounds very nice and we will visit them on Saturday.
The rehab center called as well to inform that Mom has about 2 weeks of therapy left and then she would be discharged or have to go to private pay. Well, if we are going to private pay, then Mom is going to be in a much nicer facility -- that's for sure. So, another piece in the puzzle, is what is her official mental or memory status? So, the rehab center is going to arrange a psych consult for Monday (hopefully Monday). That will determine if this is mild dementia -- or what kind -- hell, I didn't even know there were different kinds -- or Alzheimer's, etc. This is important for establishing Mom's care and preparing ourselves and Mom.
I pray with all my heart that Mom doesn't fight us on this and that we can all get through this with cooperation and understanding. If she fights, it is going to be hard for us. We know in our hearts and our minds this is the correct thing to do at this time. The future will tell us if it is right for the long term or the short term.
One of the Assisted Living staff members told me this morning that they have many women that if you just chatted with them you wouldn't think there was anything at all wrong with them. She said if you spoke with them for a few hours you could tell. They refer to these ladies as "the golden girls". I like that because I prefer that Mom be paired with someone that is similar to her -- with only mild memory issues. I think that will be easier for Mom.
Well, looks like in two weeks we'll be moving Mom and I understand that WE actually move her. I'm not sure how she will feel about that but we'll certainly see. One person advised that we tell Mom whatever we believe will keep her the calmest. At this point we are thinking that we should say she is going for her next phase of rehab since she has done so well with physical therapy -- now this therapy will focus on regular living stuff like food preparation and laundry. ?? Honesty is the best policy and we have been forthright and honest with Mom throughout this, so we'll continue that pattern and address the fact that Mom just is not capable of living alone right now. Unfortunately sister and I are dependent on our jobs and must keep them. Neither of our homes are very suitable to caring for her there and certainly not her house (way too many steps).
Oh the challenges and the stress of these decisions. It is similar to caring for a child except this is your parent and they have more to say about things!
Fortunately there are a LOT of resources on how to handle these kinds of moves -- THANK GOD for that!! Since there appear to be more and more people ending this journey with dementia or alzheimer's, there are many organizations to provide guidance and resources. I collected several documents providing advice on how to handle the move, how to tell your parent, how to determine what items to take and even how to handle the actual moving day. I'm thankful for this guidance because up until now, everything has been handled by medical folks -- either the hospital or the rehab center. WE are responsible for actually moving her to the assisted living facility -- this includes setting up her new apartment, transporting her and getting her settled. Fortunately the latter part does include assistance from the assisted living facility staff.
I suspect the first few weeks in the new facility will be really hard as Mom settles in because surely this will cause great confusion and uncertainty. I dread that time as it will be hard for all of us -- Mom, me, Sister and family. But, I am so sure this is the right thing and best thing for Mom. Our confidence and positive attitude will make a difference.
This evening Mom was very sweet to Sister but was very confused. Mom even stated,
I just don't think I can keep doing this much longer ...... Sister asked her "keep doing what?" ....... Mom said,"keeping up with everything because I'm just so confused". Bless her heart!!
Do you believe in fate?
Well years ago whenever Mom and I would drive past the "Baptist Home" near our neighborhood (which was quite often) -- Mom would say
"If I ever get down or out, just put me in that place. It looks nice and that is why we're saving our money -- so we're not a burden on you girls."
I went to the home a few Christmas seasons with the church choir and sang and was always impressed with the place -- assisted living NOT a nursing home. Since those days we have watched that place grow. They have added cottage homes and apartments and become more of a place for seniors to move to earlier. Then the facility will step them into other units as their capabilities decline. We looked into this place when Mom was in the hospital but found they typically do not take in folks mid-stream.
Well, that WONDERFUL woman at "A Place for Mom", contacted the lady at this place and talked to her and found they have availability in the memory unit. She called me and it really surprised me and she explained she had been contacted and they did have availability. I got the rate -- yea it certainly costs more - and info for us to visit on Saturday. This is a really upscale place but we also have to consider cost -- a little. But, I know my sister is like me -- if it's worth it, we'll pay it for Mom.
The lady at "A Place for Mom" called me this afternoon and talked about this facility and what a great opportunity. She reminded me that it is still a business and they have a budget to meet....hence their willingness to bring some in since that unit is not very full.
Hmmmmm. Not very full. Hmmmmm. More attention to the patients that are there. Hmmmmmm. Is this a negotiable thing? Why not try?
I really hope Mom ends her days feeling comfortable and enjoying her surroundings. I hope she can be social, have friends, have plenty of stimulation and be happy during our visits. More than anything, I hope she knows that "her girls" are doing the best for her care that they can do!
To be continued.....................
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